


if only it were true

by teaforlevi (midoh)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager Are Best Friends, Background Relationships, Falling In Love, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Siblings, Prince Eren Yeager, Prince Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoh/pseuds/teaforlevi
Summary: It’s not even a crush anymore; it’s more like Eren’s slowly falling in love with Levi.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	1. i wish i knew

“Outside on the balcony, what are you thinking about, then? While gazing up at the night sky filled with stars?”

Eren keeps quiet for a little too long, thinking about his response. What is it that he thinks about when he’s alone in his room, and the people at the palace are asleep? What is it that runs in his mind so desperately, that it doesn’t leave Eren alone? A continuous cloud of want and need, of something so hard to reach yet so easy to achieve. Eren finds his answer and says, “I don’t think about much. I guess how I’d like to go out of these palace walls one day. It gets tiring when this is all I know, and the world out there is waiting for the day I step foot outside. Sorry, but it always feels like something is calling out for me as if all of these wonders aren't enough to lure me out of this palace.

"And then it sends out dreams of different countries and sights that I fear I will never see."

Lies — Eren spends the majority of his time thinking about the what-ifs. What if Eren were to tell Levi about the crush he harbors for him? What if Levi were to smile and return Eren’s feelings? It’d be great, wouldn’t it? It’s not like Eren has to marry a princess because his parents allow Eren to marry the one he loves. With that choice, Eren gets to live in freedom, but it always feels restricted. 

Eren wants to love Levi, the other handsome prince from Wall Rose. The prince that everyone is after but only spends almost the entirety of the day with Eren. They don’t do much since Levi's made up of little words, but even those short conversations hold a particular part in Eren’s heart. 

That’s why Eren has to lie to Levi because if Levi knows about Eren’s crush, then, well, those feelings might not be returned. It's always fear that pushes back those strong emotions Eren feels whenever he’s around Levi, and he wonders about what Levi thinks about him. 

Would Levi find Eren to be annoying when the young prince talks about his favorite chapter in the book he finished reading last night? What about when they’re sitting under the tangerine tree on a lilac-colored blanket looking up at the clouds doing absolutely nothing but pointing at the different shapes? Does Levi find it annoying to lie there in sometimes silence and other times surrounded by Eren’s loud laughter?

Does Levi ever worry about him when the onyx-haired prince finds Eren in his chambers with swollen, pink eyes, and massive eye bags? Does it put Levi to think that Eren might have spent the entire night crying alone on his bed?

Probably not since Levi never comments on Eren’s appearance, or ever, for that matter. Levi doesn’t talk much, but it’d be nice to know that at least someone cares about Eren's wellbeing —

“Oi, space prince, are you planning on returning to earth? I lost all communications with you.”

Eren snaps out of his reverie and comes back to his bedroom, where the two princes sit on the comfortable green couch by the open french doors. The sky, for once, is calm, and there are no unforgiving thunderstorms and pelts of freezing water falling over the palace like a curse. “Forgive me for spacing out, Levi. I guess I might have too many thoughts in my mind.”

Eren’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes, but Levi doesn’t quite comment or bother showing in his eyes if he cares. 

“I see, well, are you hungry yet? I can get your cousin Isabel to bring us something to eat. I'm not sure if she's with Farlan, but hopefully, she's alone this time.”

The grimace that appears on Eren’s face makes Levi chuckle. “I suppose calling for Isabel is a bad idea since that crazy girl will stay here with us and never leave us alone. And, well, Farlan's a cool kid, but that little shit teases us too much.”

Would that mean that Levi likes to spend alone time with Eren? The thought makes Eren’s insides quiver in happiness. 

“Yeah, she’s sweet, but a big ball of fire with too much energy. Hey, I don't mind, Farlan at all! I think he's sweet."

Levi rolls his eyes. "Sure, but remember that Farlan is only kind when he wants something from you."

Eren's mouth opens and closes for a few seconds before he smiles. "Are you sure about that, Levi? Because Farlan is _always_ sweet to me."

_Unlike you, Levi. You're never sweet to me._

Levi doesn't bother answering and instead sits in silence, and it makes Eren feel all sorts of uncomfortable.

"Um, why don't we call Reiner to bring us food? He’ll come alone and leave just as quickly after dropping off our food.”

This time, Levi's answer is immediate, “Fuck no; he’ll come in here and ogle at you like if you were a fresh piece of meat,” Levi sneers, looking towards the bookshelf. “Think of someone else to bring us something to eat.”

This time Eren smiles, and he leans in close, though not close enough to get into Levi’s personal space. “Is that jealousy I hear in your voice, Levi?”

Levi’s blue-gray eyes focused on Eren’s teal ones and scoffed while crossing his arms. “Don’t mistake my annoyance for jealousy, fucking brat. You’re not _that_ attractive for me to get jealous about some dumb ass, air-headed blond boy.”

Levi’s as blunt as ever, but it doesn’t mean that his words don’t wound Eren’s heart. It doesn’t mean that Eren’s teal eyes don’t sting with salt-laced water. It doesn’t mean that Eren’s eyes aren’t drowning in tears, though if he were alone, Eren would let them fall. “You’re such an ass to me, Levi,” Eren almost whispers, but he clears his throat and focuses his attention on the circular golden rug. 

Levi’s quiet for a moment before fixing his now softened gaze on Eren’s slumped form. He almost feels slightly wrong about what he said to Eren, but Levi’s always been an asshole. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he mumbles and then moves to get up from the couch. 

"We can't get Mikasa because mom wouldn't let her come with me to visit you, and that little blond coconut head, a friend of yours, is out with his fiancé Historia doing who the fuck knows." 

Eren thinks it would be best if he were the one to venture downstairs into the kitchen to fetch their lunch. That way, Eren would have time to calm down his heart and try to piece back the piece that broke off. "I can go if you want--"

But Levi cuts him off and says, “No, listen, I’ll go downstairs to get us something to eat. Anything in particular that you’d like? I’ll bring a tray with a pitcher of your favorite peach juice.”

Eren returns to staring at the intricate designs on the rug to force the stinging away from his eyes. His bottom lip almost quivers when Eren opens his mouth to speak, but he stops himself in time. “Can you get them to make me a club sandwich with everything on it? And for dessert, I’d like a pint of cookie dough ice cream.”

“I’m still surprised how you never gain weight with the number of carbohydrates you ingest daily.”

“I guess I have a fast metabolism, but I do work out every morning so that I don’t become a blob of fat.”

“Yeah, well, anyway. I’ll make you your sandwich since mine is far superior to those that your chef prepares.”

Eren forces out a laugh that’s too loud and too sad, “sounds great, Levi. I can’t wait to try it.”

Levi halts in the process of slipping on his shoes to stare at Eren. “Oi, Eren,” he calls, stepping forward to approach the young prince. 

Since Eren’s hair creates a curtain to hide his eyes, Eren takes advantage of blinking rapidly to get rid of his tears. But luck is never on his side because when he thinks the tears have gone away and Eren looks up, Levi wipes at his cheek. 

Eren’s cheeks flush in embarrassment, and he moves to turn away when Levi leans in far closer, cups his right cheek, and leans in to kiss Eren’s forehead. “You’ve always been a big crybaby, but that’s what makes you cute. Don’t cry, Eren, or you’ll get seven wrinkles for each tear you shed.”

Levi’s gone for ten minutes, and Eren still can’t believe what happened. 

It’s not even a crush anymore, it’s more like Eren’s slowly falling in love with Levi, and it’s starting to consume his soul at a rapid pace. Sooner or later, Eren won’t be able to get his heart back, and either it rejoices or it shatters and breaks. Eren hopes with everything he has that the second option never occurs. 


	2. how you felt

Yet another sleepless night for Eren, but something isn’t right this time. Those dreams about someone intruding and disrupting a moment far too sweet, it feels wrong, and Eren doesn’t like it. Luckily, it seems to him that not much has changed since the last time he woke up feeling like something was going to happen. It’s still the same emotions of longing and heartbreak, but today, this gloomy morning feels much different. 

Could it be Eren’s dreams trying again to communicate with the young prince, or could it be something else? Something or someone from a different dimension traveling to Eren’s thoughts to warn him? 

Sighing to himself, Eren releases a shaky breath and hurries to the left to throw off his cotton covers and leave the bed. Maybe a hot shower would do him good and erase those blurry images of a dream he has already forgotten. Before Eren approaches his bathroom, he draws open the curtains and frowns in disappointment. 

It’s raining again, and the wind is howling. Eren can’t see anything past the green hills with all the mist in the way. _How sad_ , Eren thinks, for he wanted to convince his parents to let him leave the palace just this once. Perhaps another day, Eren will ask, and maybe this time, they’ll say yes. 

Shaking his head, Eren turns around to head into the bathroom when he stumbles over the book he was reading yesterday night. “Shit, I forgot that I dropped the book,” Eren hisses to himself while bending down to nurse his pinky toe. 

“Of course, you’d forget, you messy idiot,” a voice speaks from the bedroom door. 

Eren visibly jumps and, this time, does trip and falls face-first onto the rug. “What the fuck, Levi,” he whines while he struggles to lie on his back and catch his breath. 

“Good morning to you, too, prince. Hurry the hell up, shower, and get dressed. Your mother sent me up here to make sure you wake up.”

Groaning, Eren shuts his eyes and turns on his side so that his back faces Levi. “Isn’t it obvious that I’m awake if I’m out of bed? If my mom wants me to wake up, then she can come here.”

“Isn’t it obvious that you get dumber by the second? Shut up and be downstairs in fifteen minutes, or instead of your mom kicking your ass, I’ll be the one doing it.” Levi slams the door once he’s out of the room. 

Eren’s left feeling as empty as he felt when waking up from that terrible dream. Why is it that Levi treats him in such a way? What did Eren ever do to the raven-haired prince to get such a reaction from Levi every time? It hurts Eren, and sometimes he wished he were a ghost because Eren wouldn’t be able to feel any pain. 

“What’s the point of hanging out with me if he’s only going to mistreat me?” Eren whispers to himself as he slowly gets up and leaves to his bathroom. 

And what’s the point of falling in love with someone who might not ever love you back? Eren wants to know or would like for someone to tell him. 

Once he’s dressed as lovely as Eren wants to look like — dark blue pants and a loose crimson long-sleeved shirt, he descends the spiral staircase and enters the kitchen. There, he finds Levi sipping on a cup of tea as usual, and it would have made Eren happy to see the other prince sitting in all his handsome glory, but Eren’s hurt and would rather be alone. 

“Oi, Eren, are you hungry? I can get the chefs to make you some breakfast.”

Eren shakes his head, hoping to everything in the universe that his stomach doesn’t growl. “No, I think I’ll go read a book under the tangerine tree today, and maybe later, I’ll come in for a snack.”

Levi blankly stares at Eren over the rim of his teacup. “Do you want me to accompany you?”

Eren wants to say yes, but it always seems like he’s a bother to Levi. “Is that what you want?”

Levi places his cup back on the plate and looks at Eren. “I’m only here because your mom and dad don’t want you to be alone.”

Another piece of Eren’s heart breaks off, and he smiles weakly. “So, you’re here because you feel pity. You’re not here because you genuinely like me and want to spend time with me, right?”

“Exactly, but you’re a decent kid, sometimes dumb and other times pretty cute.”

It’s like Eren’s nightmare all over again but far worse. If Eren weren’t so in love with Levi, then he’d tell the prince off and to leave the palace immediately. But Eren’s a slave to these feelings, and all he can do is obey. “Oh, then why bother coming to my palace to hang out with me when you’d rather be elsewhere?”

“I’m not needed at the castle when Mikasa is going to be queen. Hanji is off on an adventure with Erwin and Mike to look for fuckers that want to die in war, and I have nothing to do. So, I come here because there’s nothing else.”

Eren’s hands tremble, and so does his bottom lip. “I can’t believe you, Levi. You’ve been coming here for months, and you’ve spent many hours with me, and now you’re telling me that it’s because of my parents?”

Eren doesn’t want to make a scene in the kitchen when the chefs are outback, and the maids are coming in and out of the dining room fixing up the table. “Tell me, are they paying you to spend time with their loner son?”

Levi looks indifferent as he crosses his leg on the kitchen stool and crosses his arms. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Are they paying you or not?” 

“They’re not paying me enough. Are you happy now that you have your answer?”

Another piece breaks off, and Eren knows that he cannot put it back where it belongs. 

“I can’t fucking believe you! Here I think that you like my company and me, and in reality, you must think I’m some stupid prince dying for attention.”

Levi rolls his eyes and stands up to place his cup in the sink for the maids to wash. “Are those tears in your eyes? Are you going to cry like you always do? Grow the hell up, Eren. You’re going to be king, and here you are whining because of something stupid?”

“You think it’s stupid because this isn’t happening to you! How would you feel if your parents paid someone you spend time with every day, only for them to tell you the truth? Would you still act like you don’t care about anything other than yourself?”

“I would care, but maybe not enough to give a shit about it.”

“You’re a liar, Levi.”

Levi shrugs, choosing to remain standing by the sink. “Yeah, and so are you, Eren.”

Eren’s at a loss for words and stays quiet, thinking about what to say. He stares at Levi through clouded vision and shakes his head. He will cry, but not when Levi’s near him to see it happen. “I hate you,” Eren whispers brokenly, voice shaking as he takes a step back. The only barrier that separates the two princes is the kitchen counter, and Eren wants it that way. 

Something in Levi’s eyes changes far too late because, by the time he opens his mouth to say the words, _wait_ , Eren’s gone. 


	3. because now that i know

“Eren, are you okay?” Armin asks one night while he and Eren are in the prince’s room sitting in silence. They didn't do much today since Eren had lessons in the library around one in the afternoon and then talked with his parents. To which, Eren skipped out on since that time that Levi revealed the full truth. “You’ve been quiet these past few weeks, and I’ve seen Levi around the palace, but nowhere near you.”

Eren, who sits on the floor beside his bed with his arms crossed and his head rested against them, shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, Armin. Do I look okay to you?” The young prince asks as he peeks out from under his arms to gaze at Armin. Those pools of ocean-green eyes carry such sadness that Armin's heart breaks for his friend.

Eren avoids the question at all costs, especially from Mikasa, when she visited Eren yesterday morning to see how her favorite prince was doing. Unfortunately, as always, Levi tagged along and dared to smirk at Eren and wave at him. 

Eren made sure to ignore the other prince and give Mikasa the biggest hug. Not because he hadn’t seen her since last week, but because Eren needed someone to hold him. It didn’t matter to Eren that knowing Mikasa, she could sense angst from any place, especially around Eren. Mikasa said nothing, though her gray eyes squinted in suspicion at her brother Levi. 

It’s not common for Eren and Levi to be so far from each other because she’s used to seeing them converse the moment Levi steps into the castle. 

This distance from each other felt strange, and Mikasa didn’t like it, but Eren couldn't care any less whether the future queen liked it or not. 

Mikasa left not long after the rising moon sat comfortably in the navy blue sky littered with stars. She promised to visit soon without her brother if it made Eren feel more comfortable.

Eren said nothing to that, but he did smile.

After finding out the truth from Levi, Eren wanted to confront his parents about the situation of paying Levi to spend time with Eren. How much were they willing to pay Levi to spend time with him? There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time alone doing things. If Eren's going to be the next king, then why was Levi around causing a distraction? Shouldn't it be that Eren's not allowed to be visited by anyone for it would further distract Eren from his duties?

How messed up was that? Eren doesn’t trust his parents anymore and wants nothing to do with them, either. But, sadly, Eren’s obligated to talk to his parents. 

Levi comes into his life at the worst time because this is when Eren is the most vulnerable. Having his battered and bruised heart on his sleeve for anyone to mark their territory, is not something Eren wants. But alas, nothing ever goes Eren's way because even if he has the freedom his parents give him, Eren's always going to feel like an animal trapped in a cage.

“You look like someone ripped out your heart and smashed it on the ground.”

Eren frowns at the response and shakes his head without lifting his eyes to look at his best friend. “That’s a little too close to home, Armin. Can you try toning it down?”

Armin winces and smiles apologetically at Eren. “Sorry. What I meant to say is that you look sad. Did something happen between you and Levi?”

Eren thinks back to that horrible day and shudders at the thought of it. “I’d rather not talk about it. It’s not something I can say without getting emotional.”

Armin rises from the sofa to approach Eren and takes him into his arms. “Hey, remember that Mikasa and I are always here for you, okay? You can tell us anything.”

Eren blinks rapidly to get rid of the sadness that wants to run down his cheeks in waves. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Armin nods and then pulls back with a smile. “Want to take a walk around the gazebo and feed bread to the koi fish?”

Eren’s face lights up right away. “Sure, and we can also sneak in my black cat if I find Midnight near the pond, of course.”

“Don’t forget your allergies, Eren.”

Both Armin and Eren look towards the open bedroom door. Eren turns away while Armin stares at Levi as if the dark-haired prince burned his entire book collection. “I thought you left with Mikasa last night.”

Levi walks into the room as if he owns the place and sits down on the couch. “Why go back to a place where I’m not needed?” He shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head to the side. “What’s wrong with Eren, is he sick? I always remind him not to stand on the balcony when it's raining.”

Eren rises from his spot on the floor and grabs Armin’s hand, tugging the blue-eyed boy out of the room, but not before saying, “it’s not your fucking business, _prince_.”

A sudden drop of heart fills Levi’s chest, and he sits alone inside Eren’s bedroom in silence until the wetness in his eyes dries, and he leaves to follow the two boys. 

—

Eren walks around the garden holding a small bag filled with bread while Armin strolls beside him. His eyes search through the garden for his black cat, but the kitten is nowhere. The weather is on their side this night, and it makes Eren happy that he can escape his prison for a little while. Thinking back to what happened inside of his room has Eren remembering the look on Levi's face before he left. He wonders what went through the dark-haired prince's mind when Eren said that.

Did those words hurt Levi like the truth wounded and broke Eren's heart? Could it be that Levi's mask is finally cracking, and now everything will be okay?

_Eren, this isn't a fantasy, don't try to fool yourself into believing this might happen,_ his mind whispers to Eren.

Of course, Eren shouldn't create fake scenarios that will never happen. There's no point in putting false hope into his heart.

"Eren, I've lost you. I brought you out here so that you can forget about what might have happened to you. Not so that you forget that I'm walking beside you," Armin calls out on his friend while shaking his head. 

Realizing that Armin is right, Eren straightens up and wills away all of his thoughts regarding Levi and his stupid, handsome face. "I know, and I'm sorry for being so absentminded tonight."

"You're not emotionally well, and it's apparent, but I suppose I can give you the space that you want. I'm leaving tomorrow morning, and I don't know when I'm coming back because Historia's planning our wedding and she's insisting I be there to help her."

"So, you're trying to guilt-trip me into telling you what happened to me? That's low, especially for you, Armin," Eren hisses as they finally reach the gazebo. The brunet-haired prince squats down to graze his fingertips against the water to wake the fishes.

"Everyone I know only talks to me when they want something from me. It's the same with my parents, you, Mikasa, even Levi, and he never gives a shit about anything other than himself. So, what is it that you want from me, Armin? My company and loyalty, or do you want someone to dump all your worries? Do you want someone that you can drain them from their most delicate feelings to their darkest thoughts?"

Eren's eyes shine under the pale, blue light of the moon, but he doesn't let his weakness show to his best friend. He swallows it all because Eren knows what happens when he lets it out. "I know you and Mikasa are my friends, but there comes a time when neither of you two has to know what's going on inside my mind."

Armin stands beside the tall hedge of green grass and says nothing while staring down at the now rippling water. He sees the orange and white koi fish swim towards Eren's fingertip to nibble on it. It hurries away when a small piece of bread lands on the water and slowly begins to sink.

Eren continues to sprinkle tiny pieces of bread all over as more koi fish appear from the deep end of the pond. He half-smiles when one of the chubbier koi peeks its head out of the water to catch one of the pieces. It's Eren's favorite, a full white one with pale orange lips. "I know, but I despise that I do."

On the other side of the hedge stands Levi with his hands inside of his pockets. And a frown on his lips. If Levi would have known that his words would hurt Eren to this extent, then he would have held back. He would have run after Eren that dreaded day and apologized. All of this tug-of-war going on between them messes up with Levi's thoughts.

Levi's not the type of prince to care about another's feelings, but with Eren, it's different, and now Levi knows why. 

Although Levi wishes he didn't know why it is that Eren acts the way he does when around Levi. 

"I'll leave you alone for now, Eren. It's obvious that you want to be alone right now, and my company isn't helping you achieve it. I have to go back inside to pack my bags. I'll see you when I can, okay?" Levi hears Armin say and then hears footsteps disappearing into the night.

Eren never answers, only ignores everything else as he continues to feed his aquatic friends.

On the other side, Levi readies himself to make his appearance. Right as Levi steps forward to round the hedge, the clouds come together, hiding the rays of the moon. Sighing in agitation, Levi walks silently through the cobbled-stone towards Eren. "Eren," he calls out to the prince who halts all movement.

Instantly, Eren bites his lip in bitterness, releasing a heavy breath as he slowly turns around. "What," he dryly responds, blankly staring up at Levi through empty, sorrow-filled eyes. "Did you come out here to scold me again or to call me names? I know you hate me, Levi."

Levi moves closer to stand on the other side of the pond. "I never said that I hated you, Eren. From where do you get that?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe from the way you treat me like I'm nothing but garbage? Have you ever heard of an apology, or do those words not exist in your vocabulary? No wonder you're not fit to be a king. You have zero sympathies about anything. You don't care about anything other than belittling everybody else around you."

It's starting to drizzle and create even more ripples in the water, but neither of the two princes makes a move to leave and go back inside. 

"Do you hate me that much?"

"Yes," answers Eren without a second to spare. "Do you want to know why Levi?"

Levi doesn't want to know, but the other part of him does want to know. So, he nods his head, blue-gray eyes focusing on Eren. 

"Because I love you, you stupid prince, and I know you'll never feel the same way about me. There, now you know something that will never matter to you."

"How do you know that I don't love you back?"

"Someone that truly loves someone will _never_ mistreat them. It's not your job to make me happy, Levi, but you could at least try."

"I'm sorry about what I said to you in the kitchen, and I'm sorry for everything else," Levi says after listening to the rainfall into the water.

Eren doesn't answer, knowing Levi understands that it's a little too late for an apology.

"Can you answer this question, at least?"

Levi walks up the steps of the gazebo after Eren moves to stand under the rounded roof. "Sure, what is it?"

"Why is it that every time we are together, it's always raining?"

Levi sadly smiles, looks away, and whispers, "Because I'll only bring you sadness."


	4. i regret falling for you.

For the most part, nothing changed between Eren and Levi after that stormy night by the gazebo and pond full of koi fish. Eren still avoided Levi at all costs and never answered the calls of his so-called parents. Life at the palace wasn't as grand anymore; now, it feels like Eren's living in a hellish nightmare that keeps repeating itself every night.

Levi comes by every day to check up on Eren, but since the young prince knows about Levi’s true feelings, Eren knows that it's not sincere. Levi doesn't care, and Levi might have said that he's sorry about everything he has done but is he? Probably not, and Eren fully understands that no one in the palace will ever genuinely care about him and his feelings.

It's early morning around ten when Eren leaves his chambers to visit the horse stall. Maybe he'll take out his dark brown stallion for a ride. Knowing that Eren still isn't permitted outside of the palace's walls, Eren thinks he will make the most of it. 

Strolling through the backyard filled with a myriad of different-colored flowers and green hedges shaped into animals, Eren races towards their big barn. Eren hurries because he doesn't want Levi to follow him wherever he goes. 

Smiling contentedly, Eren slows to a halt when he notices Marco tending to Eren's favorite horse. "Hi, Marco," Eren addresses in a friendly tone.

Marco rises from his crouched form to bow at Eren. "Good morning, Prince Eren! How did you sleep last night?"

It's always the same question, but Eren doesn't mind it all that much. Eren's quite fond of Marco since the timid boy is far too kind. "Ah, you don't always have to be so formal with me, Marco."

_ I'm still a human being _ , Eren wants to say.

Marco's cheeks color and he shyly scratches the back of his neck. "I apologize, Eren. Anyway, are you here to take out Galaxy for a ride? I'm sure she'd love to go out with her favorite prince."

"Um, I slept okay last night, I guess. Though I can't remember what I was dreaming about yesterday. And, yeah, I'm here to take out Galaxy. Do you think you can get her ready for me? I would appreciate it."

After some time spent under the roof of the barn petting the other horses, Galaxy comes trotting forwards snorting. Eren’s spirits rise from their tombs, and the young prince grins for the first time in a week. Not much happens in between Eren getting on his horse and riding away into the grand meadows. There’s nothing but crisp air and miles of different-colored flowers and fruit trees. 

Eren believes this is the perfect getaway if he doesn’t want to be near anyone he knows. 

Eren rides around the fields well past lunchtime, and even when he sees Levi’s black stallion coming after him, all Eren does is ride faster until Levi is nothing but a speck in a sea of green. 

—

Finally, Eren decides to stop for the day, and after petting Galaxy’s white mane for a few more minutes, Eren thanks Marco once again before making his way back to the palace. 

His footsteps echo in the silence of the garden and Eren sighs, shoulders falling from their stiff form. If it were up to the prince, then he'd stay out longer than he's allowed. There's nothing to do inside that doesn't involve evading his parents and Levi. Nothing but shelves loaded with books about fairytales that aren't real and won't come true.

"Oi, prince. I've been trying to catch up to you all morning, yet here you are, walking through the gardens. Your parents have called for you several times with different servants, but this is where you've been hiding all morning. Why didn't you stop when I came for you?"

Eren rolls his eyes as he sticks his hands into his black pants and speeds up. "Isn't it obvious that I want to be alone? Or is it not allowed either?"

Levi catches up to Eren to stroll beside the young prince. "It's not if you're going to start rebelling against your parents and ignoring your princely duties."

"And why do you care so much about what I do with my time, Levi? You're busy following me around like an unloyal puppy that has nothing better to do."

They're close to Eren's favorite tangerine tree, where the leaves slowly come loose to get carried away by the chilly wind. 

"Ouch, I didn't know your words were capable of hurting someone."

Eren stops abruptly and turns around to stare at Levi with no expression. "Look who's talking about hurting another with words. Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? You are the epitome of hurting everyone around you. I can't believe you, and I never will accept anything you say to me. So, could you kindly fuck off back to your castle? You're not needed here anymore, Prince Ackerman."

Levi doesn't stop Eren when the young prince takes off without looking back.

-

Eren cautiously enters the living room looking around for any housemaids and butlers. When the young prince sees no one, he moves forward to approach the grand white piano sitting in the corner untouched. Eren happily sighs once he reaches the piano and bends down to grab the bench and slide it out from underneath. Once Eren's seated, he pushes up the covering to reveal the pearly keys and black notes.

"Finally, some peace," Eren hums to himself as he begins to play the first notes to " _ With The Wind _ ." The music starts slow yet loud, and the young prince plays loud enough for it to echo inside of the grand living room. Eren plays with all of his heart and soul to ease his broken heart from falling apart even more.

Listening to the music through a disk is nothing compared to sitting down and having the music notes leave through Eren's fingertips. In Eren's opinion, there's nothing better than getting lost in the music when he's feeling at his lowest point. The music gradually becomes louder until it softly fades into softer notes and ends.

Eren sits there in silence while the last note fades into nothing more. When all is silent once more, Eren starts playing another piece called " _ Rikyu Garden _ ." It reminds him of the times spent under the sun near the gazebo feeding the baby koi fish. As a child, Eren thought that everything was going to be sunshine and cloudless skies. Yet, now as an adult, Eren sees that everything is dark skies and clouds filled with nothing but rain and thunder. 

Nothing is as it seems, no matter how hard Eren wishes at night when he's alone in his bedroom with no one but him and his soundless tears.

"Eren Jaeger, I've been calling for you all morning! Where in the world have you been?"

Eren's fingers tremble over the ivory keys as his eyes travel up to meet his mother's golden eyes. "I've been around the castle."

"Doing what, young man? How do you think our people will react when they know their next king is a lazy man that neglects his duties? This attitude of yours won't do, Eren!"

"Mother, I'm still a prince, and father's not even that old. You're both young, so I don't understand what's the hurry with wanting me to learn the ways of a king. What if I don't want to become a ruler? I'm not fit to be one anyway."

"Eren," the queen sighs while nearing the piano, where Eren's fingers tremble on the ivory keys. "You  _ will  _ obey us when we say that you are going to be the next king and rule Wall Maria."

“Why should I obey when neither you or father treat me like a son? I’m a slave to both of you! You have me here as if I’m some sort of android that has to obey your every command. I hate it, mother. When will you finally see through that veil of yours that I’m nothing but a human?”

“Eren, please stop with this nonsense of yours,” Queen Carla waves a dismissive hand as her index finger comes into contact with the piano. “If you’re having emotional pain, then I can simply call in the best therapist there is in our kingdom.”

Frustrated and hurt that Carla isn’t listening, Eren swallows his tears and shakes his head. “What’s the point in even talking to you anymore? You never listen to what I have to say, and when you do, you dismiss me. Because everything I say is shit to you.”

Carla looks at Eren in disapproval. “Oh, son of mine, when did you ever lose your way and become a wolf?”

"The day that you and father decided I’m not worthy enough to be your son. Sure, I'll rule when you and father are dead and gone," Eren hisses, removing his fingers from the keys and closing the cover to leave the living room.

"Eren!" Carla yells for her son but stops when she sees Levi appearing behind the grand living room doors. "Oh, Levi. Do you think you can make Eren understand? He wants to do what he wants and that won't do."

Levi stares at the wine rug and cream couches for a moment, pretending to mull over it while the queen becomes anxious.

"I'll pay you twice as much if you can get Eren to come into terms."

Smirking mentally, Levi nods his head as he bows and turns to leave. "There's no need for payment this time, Queen Carla. I'll gladly get Eren to obey you and King Grisha's commands."

Queen Carla beams and claps her hands. "Oh, thank you, Prince Levi!"

"No need to thank me yet," Levi whispers to himself as he disappears from the living room to hunt down Eren.

-

The time on the grandfather clock states that it is nearing 6 PM and that Eren should be making his way down the spiral staircase to join his parents for dinner. Eren dresses simple tonight in a white, victorian-styled shirt and black pants. He doesn't want to have his parents all over him tonight or criticize Eren on everything he does. Because apparently, everything Eren does is wrong. And it hurts always to get berated about the same things over and over.

It's annoying to hear the same scolding, the same insults, the same sound of Eren's heartbreaking repeatedly. Eren's fingers graze the elegant wooden carvings as his footsteps echo, with each step he takes. Eren can already hear the violins playing in the background, and his mother and father speaking to someone else.

_ Please, don't let it be Levi. _

A frustrated sigh leaves Eren's mouth when the young prince finds Levi sitting next to his seat. The table's set with all kinds of delicacies, but even so, Eren hates everyone seated at the table. 

"Oh, look who decided to finally show face tonight," King Grisha sneers as he regards Eren with a glare.

"And not by choice," Eren replies with annoyance lacing his voice. He rounds the table to sit reluctantly next to Levi, who only nods at Eren in politeness. Why is it that Levi is around the castle when his sister is going to become a queen? Eren knows that Levi's needed back in Wall Rose, yet he's always around bothering like a pesky fly that won't die.

"Don't speak to your father like that, Eren," Queen Carla scolds Eren as if he were a four-year-old and not twenty-four. "Apologize for this instant or no dessert for you."

"I don't care about dessert, mother. I'm twenty-four, not a damn toddler to care about some stupid sweet."

Grisha's glare is nothing but fire wishing to burn Eren alive, but Eren doesn't pay any attention to his parents seated at the table. He doesn't care about anything when it feels like Eren's life is slowly ending, and no one is giving a shit about it.

Queen Carla sighs in disappointment and then calls for the maids to bring them their food. At one point, the queen begins to talk, bringing her husband and Levi into the conversation. She excludes Eren as always because Eren's opinion isn't essential at the table or ever. 

While everyone is occupied enjoying their dinner, Eren gets up from his chair to approach the cellist to request a song. 

No one at the table pays any mind to the young prince, so Eren kindly smiles at Hannes. 

"My Prince," Hannes bows his head while Rico nods from her chair while holding her violin.

"Hi, do you think you can play " _ Sweetness _ " by  _ Diminuendo _ ?"

"Sure thing, kiddo."

Eren sits back down and picks at his green beans and tender chicken. Eren's starving, but it seems like he can't eat when there are fake people around him. Eren thinks that now is the time to interrupt this pointless conversation about politics and the war coming. "I have something to say, and you and my father will listen to me."

The music begins, and Eren's soul relishes in the sweet tones of the cello.

"It better be important, or I'll punish you for wasting my time, Eren," King Grisha says, not even bothering with looking at his son.

"I know that you've been paying Levi to hang out with me. Who told me? Why the almighty Prince Levi told me himself."

"Yes, and what will you do with this information now that you know?"

Eren doesn't back down, no matter how much it hurts that his parents aren't apologizing for what they've done. "I want to know why. I want to know why you thought it's a great idea to pay someone I like to spend time with, to force themselves to like me when they don't."

"How do you know that I don't like you, Eren?" Levi questions as he places down his fork and knife to pick up the napkin and dab at his lips.

"You and my parents treat me like I'm a bag of shit, or do neither of you three realize how bad you're hurting me? Are you that blind that everything looks as bright as a fucking rainbow while I'm watching the world as it becomes black and white? Does no one notice that I'm wallowing in my room drowning in my sadness? Am I that unimportant to you all?"

"You're right, Eren. You're not important at all to us. I'm glad you've finally come into terms and see things the way we all do. Yes, we pay Levi to accompany you because we are simply too busy to give you any love. Now, if Levi mistreats you, then that's all on him, Eren. That's where your father and I take a step back and watch you crumble."

"What kind of shitty parents are you two? What happened to the loving parents I met when I was a kid? Are you that blinded with your riches that you've forgotten all about me? I wish I hadn't ever been born, and I regret ever thinking that you and father were the best parents ever."

Everyone in the dining room watches as the young prince leaves in a hurry and disappears down the hallway. 

"Well, that was a waste of precious time. I'll never get back those minutes and seconds," sighs King Grisha as he sits back while the maids clean the table and bring out some dessert.

"With all due respect, King Grisha, what Eren said is true. I understand that what we're doing to your son is enough to break him, but maybe if I were you, I'd pay some attention to Eren, because you don't know what a broken man is capable of doing when he's been hurt for too long."

Levi leaves the table just as they place a slice of strawberry shortcake on a delicate-looking china plate. 

"I would agree with Levi, but I don't think I will," Grisha mutters while scooping a small glob of cake onto his spoon.

**Author's Note:**

> Teen and up because Levi loves to curse.


End file.
